Issues related to the subject of education and agreement with grandparents | It is a topic that many parents are worried about. They experience conflicts with grandparents on the subject of upbringing, respecting and disregarding the rules that parents determine. And how then?
Let’s look at it from a different perspective. The parents of you, today’s adult parents, have been doing what they could all their lives. Certainly they have been trying their whole lives to do their best for their children. Of course, depending on the current availability of information, trends and company status, etc. But the best thing was. They have learned a pattern to act and act. Now she is trying to pass on her “best” to her children and do her best for her grandchild. They have a fairly accurate idea of how a new parent should do “right” and often try to impose it in different ways.
Current parents usually have different ideas about upbringing than their parents. Again, based on available information, trends, and company status. They are definitely two completely different worlds. These two worlds are 20-30 years apart, sometimes more. And so no wonder conflicts come. Sometimes this leads to parents’ doubts about their own decision and their own sanity in upbringing. Sometimes to constant arguments, sometimes even to limit contact with grandparents. Neither of these results is “enjoyable”. And it is always necessary to consider if what we wish for is really worth it. Even at the cost of a child being deprived of wider family and social ties.
I don’t want to tell you that you have everything to do | with understanding to let your grandparents talk to you and set it up to your liking. I just want to point out how the other side sees it and why grandparents do it. And now, where to settle the conflicts or not yet.
Of course, grandparents are more listening and less listening, more fierce and less fierce. Accordingly, your bargaining opportunities are more or less limited. Always consider one situation at a time, how to work with it. What are the needs of everyone involved and whether there is any solution that is suitable for all. And why in this situation communication fails.
If you have my book Happy Child, Satisfied Parent at hand, peek at it. All the rules I mention there for communication with children are also valid for communication with adults. I’m really convinced of it. Obviously again in connection with one’s own feeling and intuition. It’s just a little more work because an adult already has his own communication habits that you have to overcome to make a deal. You speak two different languages. Breaking down a rule after a rule doesn’t make sense, that would be a mega article again. But I can give a few examples of my own and analyze them a little.
First example: wearing in a scarf
Of course, my parents didn’t like it. “The child should lie flat.” I never explained it to Dad, it was impossible. But he figured the babies were not his domain and he wasn’t talking to me. Actually, at this point he acknowledged that his interest in promoting his vision is not so important. He waited for the baby to be a baby, but he could kick a balloon. I have explained this to my mother many times. She didn’t agree with me anyway. All logical arguments and loaded scientific articles were unnecessary. Unnecessary words. But it’s a creature intuitive, used to babies to listen. So just one day a dialogue took place in this short form: “The baby is sleeping there. “Yes, he’s been sleeping for about 3.5 hours.” “Oh, he’s probably happy there.” And from that moment on we had a grandmother who could tie a scarf and carry grandchildren in it. Not quite often, but worn. I used a lot of words instead of an example. My grandmother probably felt that I was pushing her in a position that wasn’t her own, and of course she defended herself and argued against. Unnecessarily released energy from both sides.
Second example: chocolate
Grandmother and grandfather like to wear chocolates and other sweets to children. As long as I tried to limit it, there was a fire on the roof. There were conflicts that I don’t want them to give them, and they want to give it to them. Unnecessarily. It was a beautiful day, so I just tried it. They may not need to punch my kids with chocolate, maybe it’s different. The real need of grandparents was not to give my children chocolate. Their real need was to make children happy, bring them something. And because chocolate was used, they simply wore chocolate. And when I forbid them, on the contrary, they had a feeling of frustration that I was not happy to make them happy. And so it was enough to offer an alternative solution and say, “I don’t want kids to eat chocolate unnecessarily. If you want to make them happy, buy them nuts, fruits or raisins. ”To my amazement, it worked incredibly well. Grandparents were happy to be happy and know what the kids were happy about, that their grandmother and grandfather had brought them. And I was satisfied that it does not hurt so much health. All you had to do was find the doopravdic need and fill it up with a solution suitable for all.
Example Three: Stairs
My kids have been going up the stairs | since they were little, without needing any more of my assistance. It worked for us. We never agreed with the grandparents at this point and we never agree. Their opinion is that I should watch them up on the stairs until they are quite older. (Such minor points of controversy are of course many, the stairs are just one of them.) It’s a point where no cause removal, appropriate communication will not correct anything. Because their fear for the grandchild was greater than to be able to reassess him on some explanation. So I actually let it go and live my own life. I did it myself as I wanted, and when the children were with their grandparents, I let them make their grandparents do their own. It turned out to be the best attitude I could have taken. The children did it themselves. When they were with me, they held up the railing damn well and watched them move down the stairs. When they were with Grandma or Grandpa, they jumped. Because grandmother and grandpa were watching and jumps always caught. The children quickly got to know which rules apply.
They are three examples out of three situations and you see | they have different solutions. I only care what seems to me beyond my suitability. For example, chocolate was for me at the time, I’m not even dealing with it today. (But they’re not babies anymore.) Otherwise, I’m trying to keep my own as much as I want. And leave the rest to others.
Of course, it’s not all I think. But I am a big girl and I know long ago that the world does not work to my liking. I know long ago that I will not protect my children from all that life brings. Nor would it be right for them. So I leave them all to make their own relationships. And yet it still seems to me that this is a good way. Because it’s good when our life is richer for grandparents.